Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
