He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
