Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
