Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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