i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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