I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
