Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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