Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
COCAINE IS GR8
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
