i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
