I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
