there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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