I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
