The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
