I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
