There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want nice things and good sex
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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