Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
