i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
