Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
