It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
40s are totally the cure
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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