dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
