Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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