on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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