I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
