Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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