you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face