Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
