Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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