You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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