Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
