I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
