i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
