I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
