god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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