By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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