he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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