From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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