Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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