i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize