I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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