I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
People in love make me want to vomit
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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