it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
