for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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