I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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