I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
