so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
