i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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