We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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