nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
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no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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