oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
