So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
