Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
