Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
