i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
