just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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