I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
