Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
