Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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