While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
