she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
