He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
