does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
