Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
