you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
