nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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