i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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