My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize