I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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