I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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