so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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