Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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