I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
