He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
