You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
