She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
