So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
