I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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