Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.