So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect