I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
