I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.