You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.