New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
