Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
