Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My bed smells like the plague
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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