Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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