I don't usually arrange sex via text message
false alarm. still invincible.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
