You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
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Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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