but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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