Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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