I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
